When the one we love a lot or who we have a lot of attachment to shared history is on our side, it is logical to happen emotional storms and go through various states of mind. Those who feel that they are left without their love often go through different phases, including denial, anger, and sadness and, finally, if it is a healing process and well resolved, acceptance of the situation. It is important to be able to walk through each step of the process and not escape the pain in order to finally heal the wounds of the heart.
Although it seems contradictory, pain can be a great teacher to face a new and nutritious relationship.
Here are some questions that can help post separation:
Do not ask “why me” but try to see, although it is not easy or immediate that loss situation will leave many learning. The bad and good moments that are shared with another person always leave teachings if one is ready to apprehend them.
Avoid feeling like a “victim” or guilty of the situation. That a person has stopped loving us or prefers to face other ways does not put the full weight of responsibility on our side. To dance the tango it takes two. Situation in the victim’s place usually involves a repetitive and unconstructive narrative that distances us from our own growth and, at the same time, causes people to move away from us.
Do not label separation as a “failure”. The only failure in life is not trying what you want.
Whether you have been the victim of deception or something that feels like betrayal, nothing can hold onto negative thoughts such as the idea of revenge or resentment. To “cleanse” the mind of these toxic thoughts it is essential to keep in mind that nobody belongs to us, that people have different times and follow different paths at an evolutionary level, with successes and mistakes.
Make an effort to gradually “let go” of that other person who is no longer in our life physically, even if it is in our personal history and in our learning.
Cross the pain without trying to escape it. Make the mourning thoroughly so that once a new person comes to the sentimental life, do not become the custodian of open wounds, frustrations and reproaches of the past.
Encourage yourself to leave the comfort zone. Explore new human groups, study a language, call old friends, find a love in a dating site … And, fundamentally, free themselves from their own prejudices and others.
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