This is a disorder that affects a large part of the population , with many people at some point in their life, they feel identified, wishing that others make decisions for you, rejecting yourself making own decisions.
Depending upon some kind of substance or altered routines ( eg, slot machines ) to fill some emotional void and avoid pain, depending on money to define our own value or rely on someone else to feel loved, cared for and / or approved as a person are three clear cases of emotional dependence .
What is emotional dependency?
To explain this, we will resort to a typical practical example: the relationship between Laura and her husband Andrew has collapsed . This left home, saying it could no longer stand the needs that Laura needed to feel loved and secure in their relationship. Now, the two live apart and emotional dependence Laura has gotten worse, right now it can be considered addicted to the feeling of having this making you feel better, if only by a text message.
In this case, Laura took no emotional responsibility , no responsibility for what she said about herself. Laura feels the pain right now is not caused by the abandonment of Andrew, but for his own neglect.
While still living together and she had some emotional problem, always resorted to the care of Andrew, without deriving the evaluation of the problem to their own judgment. Now that her husband is not, collapses and cries , passing the time, longing that external judge their emotions, which now can not turn.
Although he always said he loved Andrew (and thus safer than it was), his main goal was to be loved, rather than share and spread that love. Laura depended emotionally .
How to tell if you are emotionally dependent
The existence of a number of factors, which can coexist simultaneously , can help verify if a person suffers emotional dependency, some examples are as follows:
- You feel that it is impossible to love you, unless someone else approves.
- Do not trust your own feelings, you need to use other external to “validate” your own.
- You need the attention of different people to feel good.
- You’re afraid of rejection.
- Not knowing what to do with yourself when you’re not with others.
- You’re afraid to be alone.
- You feel empty inside.
- You know not fun unless you’re with someone we do not know how.
- You’re jealous your relationships. If that is the case, we recommend this article to learn how to overcome jealousy: Controlling jealousy
- You get angry when others do not do what you want them to do.
- You think all your good emotions come from someone who loves you and is the cause of all of them.
Often you blame others for your feelings: anger, fear, uncertainty, etc.
- You think your safety depends on someone else.
- You are often depressed, angry and / or embarrassed by anything.
I again stress that this is not a complete list, but hopes to serve as a starting idea. To stop being emotionally dependent, you must start taking responsibility for your own thoughts and feelings .Emotional dependence and its treatment.
For this, you must define your own, your own self-esteem, rather than seeking approval from others. This way, you avoid becoming a victim of the decisions of others: that is, you will not be emotionally dependent to give way to emotional freedom.
Emotional Freedom: treatment to overcome emotional dependence
With this term we define the antagonist concept of emotional subordination . You are free emotionally when:
- You do not see yourself as a victim . Instead, take responsibility for causing your own suffering observing how you treat you self.
- You nourish and learn from your bad moments of sadness, pain and loneliness in painful situations , such as the death of a loved one.
- Are not governed by your feelings , and, instead, recognize that happiness, peace and joy come from our own care.
If we let these are determined by others that we are not ourselves, if we get carried away and become responsible for our pain to our partner, we will favor the emergence of emotional dependence.
However, it should be noted that r recuperate of emotional dependency, like any other addiction recovery, carries some withdrawal symptoms , which we will talk then.
Withdrawal of emotional subordination
Withdrawal of emotional dependence is characterized by the following symptoms:
- Obsessive thoughts: During withdrawal from dependence on emotion, it is customary for the dependent person tends to feel obsessive thoughts about the old couple. In addition, during this process, it tends to idealize the good moments and ignore the bad, making the feeling is much more painful.
- Need to have contact with the couple: The person who is recovering from emotional dependencies, tends to have an uncontrollable and compulsive need to maintain some contact with the couple, despite the suffering and humiliation past.
- Anguish, despair and anxiety: Produced by the lack of contact with the person who feels dependent.
- Attempts to resume the relationship: Another common symptom during withdrawal of emotional dependency is the attempt to return to a relationship with former partner, even if it means humiliating and violates the dignity itself. At this point all that matters is the person assuage the loneliness that causes the rupture and fill the void he feels.
- Difficulty falling asleep: As in most of withdrawal symptoms, lack of “drug” means a difficulty falling asleep at night.
One might think that this is an exaggeration and that no such withdrawal symptoms in a person with emotional subordination, but the evidence that does exist is that if the person who depends generates an expectation to resume the relationship, because small that is, the symptoms subside instantly.Stop being emotional dependent.
Finally, it should be noted that the duration of withdrawal of emotional dependency syndrome is variable, and can last for months or even years (in fact, it is strange that lasts a short time).
In short, t oma responsibility for your feelings and learn, with your partner, to improve self-thought itself . Remember, we are what we think, feel and do.
Would you like to know how to resolve conflicts with your partner?
You’re probably wondering how I know so much about this, but the truth is that everything I’ve learned has given me the experience.
I’ve gone through different types of boyfriend and relationship problems (infidelities, unsatisfying sex, too much protection, etc.) and after a long period of time I think I really understood how to find the balance and the solution to marital problems.
He has always liked to help others, so all I have learned I have reflected on a book that I myself have entitled “Solve the marital problems” . You want to discover more about my method to finally be able to enjoy a healthy and lasting relationship?